Johnsons' Christmas Corner

The Johnsons' Christmas Corner – Happy Everything!

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Vandals & Weather (2009)

December 24th, 2009 at 8:00am:

Well it’s been 4 years so it was bound to happen…

Last night at around 3am (during a hell of a thunderstorm) some people sliced the front of our brand new 12′ Snowglobe, drug it out of the yard (breaking 3 North Poles) and down the street, and strung it into a neighbors tree (breaking part of the tree). What a mess! We thought at first that it was the storm but when we saw the slice and realized that this thing is a monster and very heavy, and nothing else had come down, we knew it was vandals.

We made a police report, and then got to work fixing the slices, because I’ll be damned if some punk kids are going to win. Three neighbors were out to help, there’s been uproar on Facebook among our friends (Rachel posted it immediately), and many people coming by expressed their anger/disappointment. They also destroyed the motor but your friend Ryan is pretty resourceful- I took the leaf blower motor and cranked it up… worked like a champ! Sounds like a 747 in the yard but my “Give A Damn” meter is pretty pegged so people will just have to deal with the noise until New Years.

The globe, strung up in the neighbors tree:


The photo below shows just how far they drug it down the street.  Our house is circled waaaaay up the street:

But we got together with the neighbors and repaired it with clear Duct Tape. No way we were going to let those little vandals win.


Check out “The Scar” across the front:


December 24th, 2009 at 10:45am:

When last we left our hero (me) and after hearing about his dilemma (#$!@ vandals!) the hero had repaired his wayward inflatable and all was right with the world.

Unfortunately, due to the high rains last night the ground was pretty saturated… and the stakes pulled up with G-damn gale force winds that were howling through Cypress like a Wizard of Oz level twister!

So what happened? The same 12 footer pulled out of the ground, rolled across a yard full of (delicate) Lawn Lights- breaking both strings in the process- and crash at top speed into the (already shaken due to last nights winds) gazebo and end arch, breaking the top of the arch (breaking, not knocking it loose… BREAKING) and knocking 21 of the 28 connections loose.

So my neighbor and I scrambled to get the gazebo back up. It works. We glue the top of the arch back up. That works too.  For about 2 minutes. At which point the howling, ridiculous, makes-me-feel like I live in Kansas wind picks back up.  And the whole gazebo shifts to about a 55 degree angle right in front of me…

And then… it starts to collapse…


So what did I do? Well first I took the pieces to the trash, bundled the lights, and tossed the whole mess in the garage. I took down ALL of the inflatables to keep them from getting killed in the “I can’t believe that we don’t live in the Alps with all of the G-damn wind”. I am actually shedding tears at this point, and I’m not afraid to admit it. So much work for 12 months and then this. So I take off to the airport to get Kierstin.

When I get back I rerun some extra red lights where the gazebo used to stand- to keep kids from running into the yard, because so help me God I’m going to kill someone AND their parents if that happens tonight. Then I get 1 of the 3 sets of Lawn lights on the right side working (left side still works) and test it all- everything comes on. I enable the show and eat dinner.

After dinner I walk outside to see how things look. A lady approaches with her dog (who is snarling and snapping at me for some reason). She points to the corner where my precious 12 footer used to stand. “That thing didn’t look like it was snowing. I’m glad you took it down” to which I respond in a very non-Christmasy way about where she can stuff the snowglob and she quickly shuffles along with her snarling rabid dog.

A nice young man approaches and tells me that he wants to do an animated display. I tell him that’s great, just know that it’s a lot of work. He asks a few questions and I tell him about my issues today to which he scoffs “Well anything I put up would stay up! I know how to do things right.” As I’m staring at him, trying not to hit him with the 2 foot rebar that I picked up from the yard, he asks me again where he can get more animated information. I sort of glare and him and he walks away.

Then a little girl approaches and says “Where is Santa tonight?” I explain that Santa has had a long day and needs to rest up for the night’s deliveries. I also remind her it’s in the 20’s for the “feels like” temperature, and even Santa gets cold sometimes. I hand her a candy cane and wish her a Merry Christmas. And what does she do? She throws the candy cane down, says “I didn’t want a stupid candy cane! I wanted to see Santa!” and stomps away. As she’s getting back in her parents car, I yell out “That’s why you’re getting nothing you for Christmas little punk!”.

Christmas sucks.

Disclaimer: I didn’t really yell at the kid, and in fact she smiled and said “Merry Christmas” back.  After this mess I really thought about taking 2010 off.  I hung in there until 2016 when I finally said I needed a year off.